The Soul-Mate Myth: How about growing in love?

Round 3 and he asked me, “Do you believe in soul mates macha?” and I smiled knowing that it’s going to be a looong night 😉

He had just broke up with his girl friend [Third in 2 yrs] and almost every time he would say the same thing,” She is my soul-mate dude, she fits in perfect” and few months down the line, we would sit in a bar and perform an autopsy to figure out where he went wrong.

Having done that a dozen times with many other friends of mine, I guess I have enough cognisance to post this:

There is nothing wrong in the idea that there is one person (or just a few), who is uniquely compatible with you and feeling that the right relationship should “just work out”, with both of you loving each other easily as you are.

Apparently, the belief in soul mates is pervasive. A major chunk holds tight to the idea of romantic destiny. Ultimately the question remains whether the belief ends up working out? Do people who look for a soul mate find them? Do soul mates live “happily ever after”?

My inference is “NO”

People who believe in romantic destiny (soul mates) primarily look for positive emotional reactions and initial compatibility with a partner. Eventually it tends to drive soul mate searchers to be intensely passionate and satisfied with partners at first, particularly while things are compatible. Finding those initial commonalities and connections will feel like magic. It will be an excellent emotional high, at least until the illusion of perfection lasts. However, when problems arise, believers in soul mates often don’t cope well and leave the relationship instead. In other words, a belief that soul mates should be ideally compatible motivates individuals to just give up when a relationship isn’t perfect. They simply look elsewhere for their “true” match.

Ultimately, no one is perfect or a perfect fit for a partner. It takes work, growth, and change to keep a relationship going and satisfying over time. When that happens, soul mate believers often become upset, disillusioned, and uncommitted. Therefore, if an individual find themselves repeatedly falling in love with their so called “perfect” partner, only to be disappointed later and dumping them soon after[ *swallows* Did I sound like TR?], maybe their belief in soul mates should be at blame. The repercussions may include,

  1. It may cause them to give up when things are not perfect (but may be still good).
  2. It may motivate them to not compromise, work, or change, when others don’t love them completely for being exactly as they are.
  3. It may continually drive them to believe that life would be more satisfying with someone else and endlessly look for a more compatible partner, rather than working to fit with, and be satisfied by, a very good one.

[Remember Thalaivar’s dialog from the movie JHONNY ? 😉 ]

To conclude,

Believing in soul-mates might very well become a motivation killer to work out a relationship successfully on the other hand adopting a staunch belief in romantic growth is more rewarding if you are looking for a long term relationship. Only then can two people work together, grow, evolve, and meet each other’s needs on a longer run .

In short “FALLING in love is good but GROWING in love is far better and more yielding “  😉

By

Ram~Knight 4ever

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16 thoughts on “The Soul-Mate Myth: How about growing in love?”

  1. +1. Even i feel the same thing…n al d romantic movies wid happily ever afters n dose mills n boon r 2 b blamed for creating such illusions in our minds. Some learn the facts hard ways…n some never does.
    I also dnt believe in luv at first sight. I liked d way u xpressed ur views above. I’d like u 2 write sumthng on ‘love at first sight’ thing also. It wud be interesting to read wat do u feel about it 😉

    Keep writing n sharing 🙂

  2. I’m beginning to think that love is over rated. So many books and movies advocate love and the lengths people go to achieve it. Then why is it so hard to find your soul mate?
    The absence of anything else other than the words “Happily ever after” might be why girls are so disillusioned by the media. All c**p.
    I used to believe in that one man who can love you as you are, who would do anything to keep you happy. And hope is what keeps me going because I don’t think I could bear my heart otherwise. Sometimes I curse this stubborn hope. Other times, I think it is the only thing that gives me strength.

    1. Love with all its manifestations is bound to be over rated 🙂 , essentially because it is a relative term, lets not get that ;)… Was just trying to reinforce the fact that anything that just “clicks” more often tend to be short-term and there is always the possibility of Choice Blidness (http://wp.me/pYBWo-2P) as mentioned few posts before. Wherein the idea of Romantic growth is more rewarding 🙂 Thnks for the comment Lucky&Vin !

  3. Wow! Now this was amazing, the way you put all the emotions+ crap related to love is commendable. But I have such a soul mate in my life & I count myself really lucky for it… 🙂 It’s been a long time & we never ever compromised on our true self. We love each other the way we are 😀 Growing in love ,Oh yes !! That’s wht our motto is 🙂 haha thanks for such a cute post !!

  4. I would see it like this – Soul mates are not only romantic partners but can also be friends, a relative or someone else to whom we aren’t attached romantically. That we find our soul mate in romantic relationships is a great fallacy. A soul mate is someone with whom we connect on different levels both emotionally and otherwise as well. Sometimes our best friend who is not one’s partner might be one’s soul mate or sometimes it might be an aunt with whom we share an amazing relationship.

    Liked this post.

    Joy always,
    Susan

  5. Even though I am a happy believer of the fantasy of soul mates and all, I agree with your opinion as it seems logical. Its true that maintaining a relationship definitely needs a lot of effort and time, a good take on relationships I would say. 🙂

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